When my beautiful, young cousin died, after a long and courageous battle with cancer, her family decided they wanted a private funeral with a closed casket. After all, they had all been through this long journey with her and were emotionally drained. Being involved in the funeral industry and knowing how very important ritualization is, they quickly realized that, that would not be fair to her family, friends and others who cared for her, for she was also a part of their life. Others needed to remember her and face the reality that vital, young people also die. A funeral is a time for everyone to share a life that was, and to celebrate the spirit of the one who died. For her family the funeral ritual brought home the reality of her death.

MEMORIALIZATION

Memorialization provides a chance to create memories and to gain some control during a time of emotional and physical upheaval.

Since the beginning of time humans have had a need to express their love for others through celebrations. A funeral celebrates the life of the deceased. Since early-recorded time the Egyptians memorialized their dead with a rite of passage. Rites of passage marked a person’s progress from one phase of life to another. Burying the dead was of religious concern in Egypt and Egyptian funerary rituals eventually became the most elaborate the world has ever known.

Funeral rituals and customs are deeply associated with religious beliefs, but they also have important psychological, sociological, and symbolic functions for the survivors. Funerals should take into consideration religious, social and emotional needs and beliefs. Memories need to be made, shared and experienced. Flowers are sent, Mass Cards are given, food is delivered, hugs are shared and tears have a special language all their own. There is a bond between grieving people that is like no other. A funeral gives the opportunity for this bond to grow and provides emotional and psychological support.

A VOID

Death forms a void that need to be filled by those whose lives were touched by the deceased. A healthy grieving process begins with the funeral.

Viewing the deceased allows people to touch and see and begin the process of acceptance. Seeing the deceased does not increase the pain and in most cases actually minimizes the disbelief, fantasies and distorted images that are sometimes present with death. Grief counselors recognize the importance of the funeral and the viewing of the deceased in facilitating the acceptance of a death. It is fact that families who are deprived the opportunity to memorialize and visualize the deceased have a much more difficult time with grief and the grieving process.

OPTIONS

While burial is the most common form of final disposition, cremation and the scattering of ashes has become a viable alternative. Even when cremation is chosen as a final disposition all of the traditional funeral ceremonies and memorialization can remain the same. The final disposition has no bearing on memorialization.

Traditions based on ethnic and religious backgrounds play an important role in planning a meaningful funeral ritual. Ideally, a funeral should celebrate the life of the deceased and how they touched the world around them.

“The quality, not the longevity, of one’s life is what is important.” Martin Luther King Jr.

FUNERAL CEREMONIES:

• Acknowledge a death
• Give an opportunity to share grief with family & friends
• Give mourners an opportunity to tell their stories
• Help create memories
• Fulfill religious beliefs & customs
• Help the mourner clarify their thoughts
• Assist in adjusting to life after death
• Provide a support system
• Assist the mourner to reintegrate into a new & changed world
• Give a foundation to build a new relationship with the deceased
• Give an opportunity to say “good-by”
• Give people permission to mourn
• Give control at a time when everything is out of control

“Show me the manner in which a nation or community cares for its dead and I will measure with mathematical exactness, the tender mercies of its people... " Henry Gladstone

Funeral homes give grieving families a safe haven to honor their dead and direct mourners down a healthy grieving path.

A funeral empowers grievers to move from agony and pain to acceptance. Grief and sorrow are ever present with death. With proper support, guidance and information, the death experience is made less traumatic.

Funeral professionals play an important role in guiding families to make meaningful, personal funerals that honor the life of the deceased. Little details are what give special meaning to memorialization. Funeral rituals may include wakes, processions, the celebration of a religious rite, and the delivery of a eulogy and are only limited by your imagination. Tradition, custom and culture determine what occurs mostly during a funeral.

Memorialization is a biography of the deceased. It commemorates the language of love shared.

The desire to preserve the memory of the deceased has resulted in many forms of memorialization. Remembering is an important part of the healing process.

WAYS TO MEMORIALIZE:

• Special songs or music (including ones written especially for the Person, such as the one Elton John wrote in honor of Princess Diana)
• Favorite scripture readings
• A Eulogy
• Special prayer cards and memorial folders & obituaries
• Pictures
• Mementos (from early times a belief in a life after death dictated that the dead be buried with material goods to insure their well being for eternity)
• Letters expressing feelings and thoughts
• Candlelight ceremonies
• Community dedications (including, but not limited to tree planting, placing of Plagues, donations of books to libraries, etc.)
• Passing on of personal items or mementos
• Inscription’s on tombstones as well as the tombstone itself
• Eternal lights
• Monetary donations in remembrance (including scholarships and donations to religious and fraternal organization)

Working in conjunction with the funeral director, the family is able to plan a ritual, which reflects their own beliefs. The funeral director is the coordinator of the ritual of memorialization and has the capability to draw on the necessary and numerous resources available to accomplish this final tribute.

The language of love has many voices and should be expressed openly.

Funeral rituals are a somber rite of passage that reflects social and religious values concerning the nature of the individual and the meaning of life.